I am a dreamer

I've been reading love poems before bed & for awhile now they've made me feel a little sad & a little lonely as I close the anthology to fall asleep, but also grateful for the beauty.


Tonight I am no more in love than I have been other nights, and I am no less single.  Yet tonight I feel hopeful.
I did not have a date today.
I did not meet "someone" today.
I spent time with myself
                  by myself
and I began to remember
                        myself.


Who I am.
That I dream
& for what I dream.
I feel no more sure that my dreams
will come true,
nor of the path toward my
dream destination,
let alone the next step.
But I feel hopeful,
remembering
I am a dreamer.

Sailing

Caution: These thoughts are not all my own.


Am I Where I Want to Be?


-Where do I want to be?
-Am I where I want to be?
-How do I get there?


The way I'm going ... does it lead to life?
                                                 or death?

PURSUE LIFE.

Who do you have in your

life you can confide in?

                  rely on?

...................................................................................

I've always felt that life would carry me like a sailboat to where I am supposed to be.

(Caution: I don't actually know the first thing about sailing, I just dream about it a lot.)

This series hangs in my room above my bed. See - I do dream about sailing.

Today in the midst of our fancy Easter lunch, talking about cultural concepts of time and the importance of understanding that in the study of scripture, my dad revealed that while we (my family and our native culture) conceptualize "the future" as being in front of us, in Congo (where I was born) the future is considered to be at our backs.  As time flows like a river current past our standing-still selves (or maybe we're in a canoe?), the past lies as a vista before us and the future remains unseen and unknown.

I feel caught somewhere in the middle; I see my past, I consider it often. But I also feel as though I've seen what lies ahead.  Sometimes, just sometimes, I try to control and direct the present to become what I would like it to be, neglecting its own innate purpose.

This is where we, as a people, get into trouble.  When we manipulate the natural order of the universe to suit selfishness, we wreak havoc on the way things ought to be.  We erode our topsoil for farmland to grow commodity crops to create cheap calories.  We leach our soil with toxins, spilling them into our water, upon which all life depends.  The life and death of entire communities in the United States depends upon the influence of the corporations who make this destruction not only possible, but appealing, in pursuit of profit.

I am not arguing for inaction. Rather, consider the necessity of slow action.  The introductory questions hail from a sermon entitled, "U-Turns Are Allowed," in which Pastor Greg Ellis used the illustration of a driver missing their intended freeway exit and discovering that they are subsequently traveling in the wrong direction.  When I find myself behind a steering wheel, this is a common source of anxiety for me.  Behind my handlebars, however, I rarely worry about failing to follow explicit directions.  Traveling slowly allows plenty of time to consider all the options before choosing a specific direction.

Tomorrow I will pedal to work, and I will work at the pace of my young friends who are taking years to create the greatest masterpieces of their lives: themselves, humankind, our future.