"Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis."
-Martha Beck
Several years ago, a good friend and I got together at our regular pub and compared our notes for our "Best Year Yet." We'd read the books by that name and we were determined to act as accountability partners for one another as we set goals, big and small, in various arenas of our lives. One of the introductory exercises the book suggested was to list the Relational Roles we played: Friend, Sister, Daughter, Granddaughter and, for the first time in my post-collegiate years, Girlfriend. I admitted to Evie over our beers that night that it felt weird to write that, but I needed to acknowledge that a relationship might require some work.
I recently celebrated my first New Year as a wife. Shortly after we got married last summer, we moved West to start our new life together in a new state. And honestly, it's been way harder than I'd anticipated. At some point, I just had the small goal of being invited to a Halloween party, but with a kidnapped child abandoned behind our apartment earlier that day, we didn't even have trick-or-treaters. These past 6 months in a new city, I've felt more loneliness than I can recall feeling at any other time in my life. I've uncomfortably faced aspects of myself I didn't know existed, and Dan has stood by me, urging me forward.
Despite the hardships and homesickness, I cannot regret this experience. In the last year, I seriously and joyfully altered my definition of self:
I pledged my life to Daniel, for better or for worse.
I imagine what our life could be like had we stayed in Minneapolis: living in our same apartment, hanging out with our friends, going to our same old haunts, going to see our same favorite bands play. In this new year, I am grateful for steadfast friends who have not forgotten they are our friends despite distance, and for this time and space to redefine ourselves and focus on building a strong foundation for our marriage.
