I feel infinitely left out on Sundays because I am still unsure of Deity. I want to enter into the conversation, but I feel like a little kid again, with older siblings and adults carrying on a conversation without ever so much as looking my way, except maybe to "shush" me and ask me to wait until later - a later I'm sure will never come - a later they will forget about in the meantime. But when they do remember, long after we've parted ways, they will pray that I will "just get it" in my own time.
Meanwhile, I will take the conversation about the Myth of Redemptive Violence and file it away with John Paul Lederach and the study about how children as young as six months can identify and show preference toward "helpful" characters and my own theses on the impact of violent hero characters in the media on our children's character development, perpetuating this Myth.
My narrative differs from the narrative of the church-folk conversation and, despite my fancy high-heeled church shoes, when I leave this place I hope to put my foot to the ground and travel slowly, carefully, through the woods, listening to the land. I learned today that after Cain said to God, "Am I my brother's keeper?" God answered, "Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground." I will listen. The ground and the rocks will cry out. I want to halt my ongoing conversations of everyday life for this.
This attentiveness to the land, to the purpose of land and the tragedies of the land, this is why I travel by bicycle.
When it comes down to it, I don't think there is one collective "curch-folk" narrative, which is why the conversation exists in the first place. We all connect to things differently, even God--especially God. In our society, church is one big experiment...people putting their feelers out there, navigating the way as they go, and even still, within the body of the church (or even one congregation), opinions are vastly different...particularly in the conversation on redemptive violence.
ReplyDeleteThat said, everyone's input is needed, which is precisely why we have an input in the first place. Don't be hesitant to share it!
Reading that over again, I think it came out a bit more harshly than I meant it...and since there doesn't appear to be a "delete" or "revise" button, allow me to elaborate:
ReplyDeleteThe way I see it, theology is on big conversation. Because when it comes down to it, we're all speculating. We're all translating what we read into words and ideas that make sense for us as individuals, which is why views on God can be so drastically different. So looking at it through that lens, I think we all need each other. Because it's not until all of these differing opinions come together that we finally start to figure it out bit by bit.
If I can offer any encouragement, it's that your opinion is a part of that puzzle. We, as a collective (stretching across the entire world) need it.
Love your writing & your descriptions about a connection you feel to the land. It's really lovely!
And yes, I meant "one" instead of "on"
DeleteNever realized how much I rely on the "revise" button! Sheesh.